Uptown's answer to Port of Call?

Well, maybe not. But Storyville, on Magazine St. (between Napoleon and Jena) makes a mean burger - like the Lulu White, for example, which is grilled and then steamed in Abita Amber before being topped with avocado, provolone and applewood-smoked bacon. Ohhhh yes.

The service is friendly - if sporadic (thanks to Dave for that point), and the setting is laidback but surprisingly upscale (tablecloths! flat screen TV's!) given that Storyville is essentially a burger joint. The food is great, if you're not in a rush.

And for you tourists? The Gambit has a week's worth of inexpensive activities for Orleanians on a budget - if you'd rather feel like a local, check these out.

If the line at Mother's or Cafe du Monde is egregiously long, why not head down to Verdi Mart on Royal St. for an All that Jazz (per them, it contains "grilled shrimp, ham, turkey, tomatoes, mushrooms, Swiss and American cheese and WOW sauce on French bread")? The lines will be shorter, and the portions are huge for the price.

Enjoy your stay, and please stop peeing/vomiting on our streets, k? Thanks!