Help me, Oprah! Help me, Tom Cruise!

Please Lord, let me fit into my bridesmaid dress this Saturday.

I faithfully promise to limit my chocolate and red wine consumption, and to only stare longingly at the po'boys D. brings home from Crabby Jack's.

I promise to hit the elliptical we just bought more often and to even use the dust-gathering exercise ball that sits forlornly in our living room.

I will eat healthy things, ignoring the bounty of fried goodness that surrounds me (like the gravy cheese fries at Parasol's).

I will ignore the 902840239482309482309 degree heat and 4,000% humidity outside and walk the collies daily.

I will even Jazzercise if it means I will not look like a Jersey girl stuffed into a bright red organza dress like a piece of andouille.

Your most humble servant,

Cait the Starved